Anger is one of the healthy feelings that if used positively can create a more focus driven life. I believe behind every angry moment there is a sad story that needs to be told. Once we begin to recognize our emotional pain we might be able to tell our stories and heal some of our pain.

Perhaps what motivates us to continue living is to satisfy our needs such as love, nurture, happiness and security and when these needs are not met or ignored we get angry. The experience of abandonment, neglect, abuse or rejection sometimes surfaces through anger; people learn to use anger as an emotional tool to hide their real pain. Some of us will try to keep issues inside and won't talk about them. Eventually, we experience lots of anxiety, pain and the negative emotion will build up. What is certain is that all of these anxieties will turn into physical pain that need to be expressed or will explode. Unfortunately, most of the time when our anger explodes someone we love gets hurt. The thought of hurting our loved ones causes even more pain and we promise it won't happen again. In most cases the feeling of shame or guilt will buy us some time and then we forget and blame others for our action, get angry and explode again.

It is crucial to understand our unmet needs and to identify behaviour patterns that are destructive. In order to break through the cycle we need to adapt healthy ways to replace the anger and learn skills to relax and de-stress. We can talk about our problems to our trusted friends, partner or family members; let them know that we are in pain and need listening ears. There are a number of helpful books on anger and many of them are workbooks with exercises that teach concrete skills. Seek professional help; recognize that anger can become an identity and gives you special power that makes you dependent. With seeking professional help you channel your anger into a more creative and positive motivation. Positive anger often motivates people to try harder and work more to accomplish their goals. With the right focus and energy, it is possible to use anger to handle conflict productively and build a healthier life style.